The story of Henry Jackson, who made sure that absolutely nothing could go wrong.
Henry Jackson, 43,
Foresaw all he could foresee.
He had insured his health and life,
Avoided children and a wife,
And all that might upsetting be
For a smooth ride in tranquillity.
He insured his house both out and in,
For theft and fire and damage from damp.
Of every danger he had thought.
The weather didn’t stand a chance
Against the cover he had bought.
His pension plan was second to none,
With growth and income guarantee.
It seemed to Henry that he’d done
All that was needed for him to be
Stress free for at least a century.
His life was lived in an ordered way,
With no excesses, no extremes.
His exercise each day he took,
Neither too little nor too much, for he
Had read all this in his bedside book
On guaranteed longevity.
He gardened to relax each night
The book said gardening was alright.
The flowers in his garden stood,
In neat straight rows against the wall.
They flowered exactly when they should,
And never dared to droop at all.
He had a cat which could provide
Prescribed affective time each day,
‘For that is healthy’, said the book.
He fed this cat each night at eight
And it had its ration punctually,
And just the right amount it ate,
Exact for cats of his cat’s weight.
Henry’s house was bright and clean.
No speck of dust was ever seen.
The chairs arranged in a straight line,
And the sofa was of best design,
With cushions placed symmetrically.
Just how one’s cushions ought to be.
The heating worked as Henry planned.
On it came on October 2nd,
And off it went when May Day came.
No matter what the weather threatened,
The dates were always just the same.
For Henry followed dates you see
And followed them religiously,
And once a month religiously
He had the vicar round to tea
To ensure that he was quite OK,
And insured in a religious way.
He looked ahead to a life of play,
No worries, no problems and no fuss,
He foresaw many a sunny day,
But he didn’t foresee the big red bus
That knocked him down
And ironed him flat.
In spite of pension and insurance,
The bus made sure
That that was that!